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As much as I dislike these movies, I figure they're essential to a well-rounded review site. I'd be lying if I said that the idea of watching Brigette Nielsen running around in a loincloth and skimpy metallic clothing was something I find to be intolerable. On the other hand, That would have made for a good ten or twenty minute film and this is feature length. In my opinion, it just requires a bit more than that.

This begins with a text screen that tells the story of the fierce warrior with flaming red hair and explains her place amongst the legends of Hyborea. Cut to a burning farmhouse and Sonja {Brigette Nielsen} lying on the ground nearby. While Sonja tries her best not to fall too far out of her torn leather clothing, a ghostly apparition appears and describes the destruction of Sonja's family for us. Once the story's told, the apparition endows the girl with the superhuman strength necessary to attain her vengeance and sends her on her way.

Cut to Kalidor {Arnold Schwarzenegger} riding over the plains. Cut to a ritual in which Kendra, the not exactly evil High Priestess {Donna Osterbuhr}, decides to decommission a religious artifact before it becomes too powerful. Several bad guys, led by the definitely evil queen Gedren {Sandahl Bergman}, and dressed all in black, interrupt the proceedings and hack and slash their way through the assembled "clergy". The scantily clad priestesses fight bravely through a horribly cheesy battle sequence but alas, the temple is soon overrun by the baddies in black.

The queen tries her new toy artifact out on a few of her minions and discovers that the rumors are true; only women may touch the thing and men are quickly disintegrated by it. The soldiers imprison their new plaything in a metal cage then imprison the remaining priestesses in a chamber under the altar. Sonja's sister, Varna {Janet Agren}, battles ever so fiercely and does manage to escape into the countryside through a secret passageway. Cut to Kalidor as he pulls an arrow from the escaping Varna and fights off her pursuers.

Cut to Sonja's graduation ceremony at the local martial arts academy and a lecture from the grandmaster regarding her hatred of men. As Sonja's receiving the gift of a fancy sword, Kalidor rides into the jousting arena and nonchalantly announces to Sonja that her sister's dying. Cut to the ride to the side of Sonja's sister, the girl's pre-death speech and the warning that they must reclaim the talisman before it destroys the world. Vanya's funeral pyre burns brightly that night under terrible, stormy skies.

Our two heros just happen to see the talisman in use on the horizon so, Sonja, hating men and all, heads off to save the world on her own. Cut to Sonja, as she rescues the pre-pubescent Prince Tarn, the self proclaimed "Master of the World" {Ernie Reyes Jr.} and his simpleton slave, Falcon {Paul Smith}. Cut to Kalidor as he watches Sonja from a far off hillside...

This gets a fish for the women in skimpy clothing. The performances are wooden and terrible. It's pretty bad when Schwarzenegger's deadpan delivery is a welcome relief from the "acting". Reyes is simply irritating and Smith seems like he'd probably have been more at home in a film with three other stooges. The costumes and effects are typical of the early eighties. The story is just "typical". This would probably go very nicely next to the copy of Krull on your video library's shelves