The Aquarium List... {It will probably grow. It's not too terribly difficult to avoid movies this bad and I usually try really hard to find any redeeming feature that might save a film from this quagmire... It will probably grow slowly.} This is a listing of films that offer less entertainment than watching tropical fish for an equivalent amount of time. {Freshwater... not salt water} Clean your tank instead... it will give you much more pleasure and your fish will love you for it.

This list includes gorefest's made by morons specifically to make a buck as well as garbage that is simply a waste of your time. Gore has its place... it should not be the central focus of the film. If you need that sort of thing to give your life meaning... I'm sure there's a position for you at the Chicago stock yards. Go for it... You'll save a fortune in rentals.

Porn is a genre altogether specific to your... umm... "tastes". I'd not think of telling you what should appeal to you sexually {Though, if that includes anything in this list you might seriously consider getting professional help}. I'll not be adding anything XXX rated to this list. There are other pages to help you out with that sort of thing.

Battlefield Earth - {Like you've not dreamt of Travolta as an alien overlord in dreads and black leather..}

Breakin' 2 {Electric Boogaloo} - {Right at the same pleasure level as hookworms.}

The Dentist - This is a nasty thing that tells the story of a twisted dentist who gets carried away with his drill once in a while. It's a gore-fest that's certainly less scary than a typical trip to your own dentist and a lot less realistic. Seriously, don't waste your time.

Devil Girl from Mars - This is just too boring to bother with. If you're looking for campy science fiction you'd do much better with Day of the Triffids or Attack of the Giant Leeches.

Don't Look in the Basement - I actually own this for some odd reason. Old gore-fest, done on no budget, with actors that may have already been dead when the filming started. I can almost promise that you'll hate this movie.

Faces of Death {any} - Slightly more nasty than a bad night on the local news and not anywhere near as interesting. Simply too stupid to bother with. You'd do better getting out all of those back episodes of "Cops" that you recorded a few years ago.

Frogs - The day all of those slime-encrusted creatures fought back. No budget nastiness with horrible performances that will not amuse you at all.

Humanoids from the Deep - {Changed the charcoal in your filters recently?}

The Last House on the Left - {Gang of psychos rapes, mutilates, tortures, dismembers and variously frolics about while carrying sharp instruments. One of the few films that serves as justification for torching the projectionist's booth.}

I Spit on Your Grave {Any Cut} - Absolute waste of celluloid in which a virtuous woman exacts her revenge on those who wronged her. {I'm sure you must have missed a bit of algae near the back.}

Mac and Me - {90 minute McDonalds commercial.}

Scary Movie 2 - All of your worst nightmares on one massively substandard bit of celluloid.

Teenage Catgirls in Heat - Take a bunch of teenaged girls, a cheap camera and a statuette of Bastet from a yard sale, make up the dialog as you go along and make sure that everyone has taken double doses of their antidepressants on the day you shoot... I do sort of like the title. You could probably have more fun simply chanting that over and over for ninety or so minutes.

Hexen bis aufs Blut gequält { Mark of the Devil {Stupid, early seventies film featuring the Spanish inquisition and much blood and gore; removal of body parts, people tortured to the extent that they begin drooling and so on.}}

Troll 2 - {See warning below}

What's Up, Tiger Lily? - This is an experiment put together by Woody Allen. He took a bad, Japanese movie and made it worse by adding his own dialog. I can really only comment on the first half of this. It has the distinctive honor of being the only film I've ever walked out on. For the cost of a rental you can pick up a new black mollie or something and have some real excitement. {Sorry Woody}

Remember... You were warned...